12/17/2019

Fashion and Socialism Don’t Mix

The color beige is one of the biggest runway trends of 2019. Other trends include neon and animal print. Imagine if beige clothing was your only choice. And it’s not coming from the runways of Paris. Fashion and socialism cannot coexist because a socialist system forbids freedom of choice. Fashion is a means of expressing oneself and curating a personal style. How can we express ourselves if our only choice of clothing is equivalent to a minimalist 1990’s Calvin Klein ad featuring Kate Moss, where we all look equally miserable and malnourished? We need a choice! Shopping under a socialist regime is not an extracurricular activity; it’s a task. A person is lucky to receive bread and butter after waiting in line for hours. Forget about Chanel bags and trips to Sephora. There is no retail therapy without free markets.

12/12/2019

Speaker of The House

Parody of “Master of the House” from Les Miserables
Welcome, my friend, sit yourself down
And meet the most corrupt woman in town
As for the Dems, all of us crooks
Spitting on constituents and cooking the books
Seldom do you see
Women as old as me
A broad of malintent
Who’s content to be
Speaker of the house, doling out the charm
Friends with Chuck Schumer and will do you harm
Tells a saucy tale, in bed with Sleepy Joe
Constituents appreciate some quid pro quo
Glad to do Ukraine a favor
Doesn’t cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price!
Speaker of the house, keeper of the zoo
Ruling over Congress cuz I’m better than you
Drinking all the wine, drinking all my weight
Calling a press conference when I can’t see straight
Everybody loves a congresswoman
Everybody’s partisan friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Won’t I bleed ’em in the end!
Speaker of the house, quick to catch yer eye
Never wants an illegal immigrant to pass me by
Welfare for the poor, my policies are great
Lying, degenerate, and full of hate!
Democrats all love impeachment
Democrats all hate Trump
I do what Soros pleases
Jesus! Whos ready for the Schiff show!
Welcome lobbyists
We have no ethics code
This is DC
I can be bought for a load
California’s a mess
My district’s a curse
Homeless people on the streets
San Francisco’s the worst
Here the bills are buried
Here the swamp is live
And nothing’s voted on
Till I’m satisfied…
Lies beyond compare
Lies beyond belief
Pushing socialism and government cheese
Brain of a horse thinks hearsay is fact
Trying to take away your guns so you cant act
Dreamers are more than welcome
You just can’t stay with me
Higher taxes
Plus, some little extras on the side!
Charge ’em for their strife, extra for their wife
Ten percent for Republicans who are pro-life
Here a little slice, there a little cut
After this, you’ll be lucky to afford Pizza Hut
When it comes to scamming Americans
There are a lot of tricks I know
How it all increases, all those bits, and pieces
Jesus! It’s amazing how my wealth grows!
Everybody bless the speaker
Everybody bless the House!
Everybody raise a glass
Raise it up Pelosi’s ass
Everybody raise a glass to the Speaker of the House!
12/11/2019

12/11/2019

6 Times Seinfeld predicted 2019 politics

1. The Cigar Store Indian: Season 5, Episode 10
Jerry is left wondering, “when did everybody get so sensitive,” and gets a taste of PC culture when he offends Native American, Winona, by presenting her with a cigar store Indian, and the Chinese mailman when he asks which way is the closest Chinese restaurant. He points out that, as a Jew, he wouldn’t get offended if someone asks which way is Israel. And this was 1993 before people were trying to convince us there are over 100 different genders!

2. The Couch- Season 6, Episode 5
Elaine originates cancel culture when she starts a walkout of Poppie’s restaurant after learning he is pro-life.

3. The Race- Season 6, Episode 10
While working as a department store Santa, Kramer attempts to indoctrinate a child asking for a toy for Christmas about Communist beliefs.

4. The Cadillac- Season 7, episode 14/15
Morty Seinfeld is accused of embezzling funds from the condo board and is impeached as president during a hearing where no evidence is presented. Sound familiar?

5. The English Patient- Season 8, Episode 17
80-year-old Izzy Mandelbaum challenges Jerry to a fitness competition to prove he is better than Jerry and winds up throwing out his back. Sounds like “no malarkey” to me.

6. The Yada Yada – Season 8, Episode 19
George’s girlfriend, Marcy, is the epitome of Fake News when she “yada yada yada’s” over the facts of a story.

12/10/2019

Parody of “Modern Major General” from Pirates of Penzance

I am the very model of a republican presidential candidate
I’ve information business economical and delegate
I owned the Miss USA pageant
and broadcast on NBC universal
From swimsuit to evening-wear in order categorical
I’m very well acquainted too with matters of real estate and all
I understand selling
Both the commercial and resident-u-al
About hotels, spas, and casinos I have so much esteem
With Ivanka, Eric and Don Jr at the helm, I’m living the American dream

I’m very good at relieving debt and I’ve got a friend in Sarah Palin
I understand the ways in which to make America great again
In short, in matters of business economical and delegate
I am the very model of a republican presidential candidate

I know our nation’s history, Ben Franklin and George Washington
I quote the declaration of independence and the consititut-i-on
I married a gorgeous model she had my son and still isn’t her figure great
And now I’ve just named Mike Pence as my official running mate
When I know Obamacare’s a joke I’m not politically correct in declaring it
When my daughter became a Jew and our family is pro-Israeli-ate
And when I move into the white house and my wife redecorates it

Then I can propose a detailed Bill on immigration reform
And dare Congress to veto it, should they want to cause a thunderstorm
In short, in matters business, economical and delegate
I am the very model of a republican presidential candidate

In fact when I know what is meant by bipartisan and big government
When I can tell at sight a pork barrel and I bully pulpit
When such affairs as whitewater and Benghazi I’m more wary on
And when I’m doing better in the polls than evil Hillary Clinton
When I fight for the right to bear arms and I’m tough on immigration
When I put a wall around Mexico and possibly half of Canadian
And when I wipe out Isis faster than u can say…Crooked Hillary
In short, when I’ve a smattering of right-wing ideology
You’ll say a better republican presidential candidate has never sat-a-gee

For my Trump Organization though I’m wealthy and patriotic
It all comes down to the results of this election day
But still in matters business economical and delegate
You’ll say this republican presidential candidate is making America great again